Waiting For You
by Hayley128
Summary: Buffy struggles with loss.  Will she get what she's been wishing for?


Title: Waiting For You

Rating: PG13

Pairing: Buffy/Faith

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and I make no money off this.

Summary: Buffy struggles with loss. Will she get what she's been wishing for?

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><p>It had been a year and it still felt like it was yesterday. It still felt that she was back in the cemetery, holding her as she took her last breath. When she told her she loved her for the last time.<p>

The entire year she never stayed in one place longer than a week. Every place felt too depressing and she made it through five cities before she finally realized that the places she visited weren't depressing at all. She was the one who was depressed and as far as she could tell, beyond all help.

Buffy stared up at the ceiling of the hotel room as she lay on the bed and tried to remember what day it was or even the time of day. The shades were closed and she unplugged the clock as soon as she'd gotten there, something she had gotten in the habit of doing. She didn't care what time it was anymore. She didn't have anywhere to go and didn't want to see anyone.

There was only one person she wanted to see and it was someone she would never see again: Faith.

She still couldn't believe for she'd fallen for Faith. In the end, it didn't even matter that they'd hurt each other so much in the past or that she was supposed to hate her. Once Faith had shown her a side that might have really been her true self, Buffy couldn't help but fall for her. She finally saw Faith for what she really was, a side she had hidden from almost everyone: a caring, thoughtful and fiercely loyal person.

Not only did Faith have her back during patrol but she also made her laugh. She listened to her complain about everything and anything before putting an arm around her and telling her it would be okay. It was things like that that made Buffy love her.

The rest of the gang never forgave Faith for everything she had done in the past, before she'd gone to prison and then released. They told Buffy she was crazy for forgiving her so easily and in the end made her choose whose side she should be on.

By then she was already head over heels for Faith. That's who she chose.

Faith promised her everything would get better. She'd continue to prove herself to the others and they wouldn't turn their backs on her. She said everything would work out.

Buffy wanted to believe her but it didn't work out that way. They went on patrol that night and there was a vampire that was too much for them. He stabbed Faith.

The tears fell freely as she remembered holding onto Faith, praying it was just a dream. A terrible, horrible dream that ended with her waking up in Faith's arms.

It was real though. As much as she tried, she couldn't get the memory of Faith's eyes out of her head. She could tell the exact moment she died as she had looked at them. It was the same time Faith's grip on her stopped.

The tears turned into all out sobbing then, the memories not going away even though she wanted them to. She only wanted the good memories of her and Faith together but it was the cemetery that she remembered every single day.

Not one person from the gang showed up to the funeral. That was unforgiveable as far as Buffy was concerned. Even if they had an issue with Faith, couldn't they see how much her death was killing their friend? Dawn had something to the extent that maybe whatever spell Faith had used on her would be over now and they would finally get her back. It was the last thing Buffy had allowed any one of them to say to her.

Only she and Angel attended the small graveside service. Angel paid for everything and tried to comfort Buffy as best he could but she saw herself as a lost cause. She didn't see how she could survive without Faith.

Since she didn't think there was anything left in Sunnydale for her, Buffy packed everything she could carry of Faith's from her apartment and left for LA. Angel had offered her a place to stay when she told him she needed to leave Sunnydale and she decided it was as good a place as any.

Buffy only managed to stay there a couple weeks. The LA gang was more respectful of her loss but they couldn't understand it either. Angel tried to get her to talk about it, maybe in order to make her feel better, but it didn't help much. It only made her cry more and in the end, all she wanted to do was stay in her room.

When she told Angel she wanted to move on, maybe try and find a place where she wouldn't be so miserable, he had his objections. He wanted her to stay in LA where he could help as best he could but Buffy only told him there wasn't anything he could do. That was when he offered her the funding to travel as long as she needed. He also told her she always had a place in LA.

She had left the next morning. Angel had graciously bought her an old but reliable car and she thought by now she'd driven it everywhere and it was really her best friend. She was essentially living out of it.

The cities all blurred together over time. It didn't matter whether it was a huge city or some tiny, one motel town, none of them had what she was looking for. It took her a couple times to realize but she was looking for something. The only problem was she didn't know what it was.

Was it happiness? Or maybe it was peace of mind or joy? Maybe it was nothingness? By now, there were days where Buffy only wished to feel nothing for a day. She didn't want to feel what she was feeling. She didn't want to dream about Faith's arms being around her only to wake up in an empty bed. She couldn't handle the crying that went along with it.

Deep down, she knew the traveling was making her waste her life away and she knew that if Faith could see her she would be yelling at her. She would be telling her not to waste her life and that she needed to be slaying. Most importantly, she would probably tell her she needed to move on and forgive her friends. Faith always thought she needed them.

Buffy hadn't gone out on any sort of patrol since that night. She had slayed a couple vampires here and there over the course of the year but only out of necessity. There were a couple stakes in her car and a knife or two but apart from her stake all of them belonged to Faith. Those she wouldn't touch.

She looked away from the ceiling for a moment and looked to the phone. The red light was blinking which she knew meant she had a message. She called Angel from time to time to let him know she was okay but she knew he could track her by looking at her credit card purchases and the account he set up for her. In the end, she liked talking to him she did check in. He was her one ally when it came to Faith.

What she didn't like was that sometimes he told the gang where she was. She'd gotten a few messages from each of them over the last few months, all of them wishing she would come back. None of the messages mentioned that they were sad that Faith died or asking how she was dealing with the death of the woman she loved. They only wanted her back.

Buffy wondered what the messages were this time. She hadn't talked to Angel in awhile, maybe two weeks but she couldn't be sure. All the days ran together and she hadn't left her current room in at least two days. She had only called for room service once. Over the last year she'd become shell of her former self both mentally and physically.

Thinking hard, she wondered where she would drive to next. If she remembered right she was somewhere in the southeast, maybe in Georgia or South Carolina. She was thinking of driving up the coast but only in that she hadn't been there yet. She had no intention of seeing the sights. The only sights she'd seen in the last year were dozens of hotel rooms.

What was weird is that the last couple days she'd had a funny feeling she couldn't get rid of. It didn't stop her from being depressed and crying and it didn't get her to eat but it was weird. She couldn't describe it or figure it out so now she was trying her best to ignore it.

A knock on her door snapped Buffy out of her constant stream of thoughts and she waited for whoever it was to go away. She had a "don't disturb" sign on the door.

Whoever was on the other side knocked again and Buffy groaned. "No housekeeping!" she yelled hoarsely. Her voice wasn't what it used to be from crying all the time.

For a moment she thought she was in the clear but there was another knock. Buffy groaned and got up from the bed as quick as she could. The lack of food and the fact she'd been lying there for some time made her a little dizzy as she sat up.

Buffy walked to the door and opened it quickly. "I told you no . . ."

She stopped short as she saw who was on the other side: Faith. Everything went black after that.

She wasn't sure how long she was out but it couldn't have been long because when she came to she was still on the floor and her mind was still being incredibly cruel. She was still seeing Faith hovering over her.

"You're not real, you're not real," Buffy repeated over and over as she began to cry. She hadn't fully hallucinated Faith yet and she couldn't take it. It was too much.

"B," Faith said softly, "B, stop it. I'm here."

Buffy kept her eyes closed lightly, not wanting to see the image that haunted her so much. It wasn't until she felt the soft hand on her cheek that she opened them, still crying.

"Go away," she said, sobbing. "I've been trying so hard to forget and now you're right here? Isn't it enough that I see you dying in my arms every time I close my eyes?"

Faith's eyes began to tear up and that confused Buffy. In all of her dreams and nightmares, she'd never seen Faith begin to cry like this. "B, please stop crying. I'm really here."

"Faith?"

Faith leaned in and gently kissed her. "It's me, Buffy."

The kiss was so real and it only made Buffy continue to cry when it was over. Faith reacted by gently picking her up and placing her back down on the bed, turning a lamp on to shine a little light into the room. After that, she sat on the bed and took Buffy into her arms.

Buffy was so confused, her mind not knowing what to think. The only thing she'd ever wished for over the last year was Faith to come back. Now she didn't know if this was a good thing or not. Was it really Faith?

"You died in my arms," Buffy sobbed out. "I buried you in Sunnydale. I'm been mourning you for a year and now you're here. I don't understand, Faith."

"People have been trying to call you, B," Faith said quietly as she held her tightly. "You haven't been answering the phone here."

"I don't talk to people much."

"You should start." Faith placed a kiss on the top of her head. "I've been looking for you for a day."

Buffy looked at her, touching her face and feeling how soft and smooth her skin was. It felt so real. Faith was really there. "How are you here?"

Faith smiled. "You think I wouldn't try to get back to you? The Powers That Be got sick of me bitching."

"So . . . you came back to me?"

They kissed softly and Faith held her tighter. "Yeah, I came back for you."

The End.


End file.
